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Fifa 2010 (demo)
A couple of things to sort out before I begin:
Could Fifa 2010 actually be the game to change my perspective on the whole genre? Let’s find out… I’m wondering whether, in the future, game developers will stop creating sequels all together and just utilise already popular downloadable content options. I mean, I can sort of see the appeal in creating a football game every picosecond. But what, really, do they change in each edition? Graphics improve slightly from what I can gather. And obviously players transfer from one team to another like a bed-hopping bunny hooker. But with online gaming practically mandatory unless you’re a blind, wheel-chair bound dead person (for which I’m sure Nintendo are working on a way round) doesn’t it make more sense to have a strong ‘main’ game and introduce add-on updates that can be easily downloaded for only a fraction of the price of a new game…? Oh wait…’fraction of the price of a new game’…think I just answered my own question there. Moving on… The practice mode at the beginning is the obvious method by which players can become accustomed to the controls. This basically involves you (the player) in an empty field, devoid of a crowd, taking shots at the loneliest man in the world: the goalkeeper. No doubt you’ll take it upon yourself to show off your football prowess by seemingly dodging left and right and around the invisible defenders before making a beeline for the goal mouth. When in fact you could just as easily run in a straight line to your man with the gloves and tap it in with ease before hurling insults about his wife’s botched facial surgery at him knowing that your voice isn’t being drowned out by 10,000 fans. Perhaps another side-note before I continue: it may become obvious to some of you reading that some of the things I mention in this review are a little superfluous. I’m well aware that many of the features in Fifa 2010 exist in previous editions. You’d do well to remember that this is the first in the franchise that I’ve ever played, so this is solely a newcomers perspective. For the match itself I set the game on beginner mode (also known as Retard Setting) because, as the premise of this review may suggest, I’m not an A-grade football player. Virtual or real world. I played as Juventus figuring that, from my days growing up in a town populated by football fans, that they were, possibly, at one point, maybe, perhaps quite…good. Yes? No? Whatever, I played against Chelsea. Being a sub-par football player I had only one tactic in-mind: slide tackle the opponent’s ankles clean off. This lead to a barrage of yellow and red cards at my team’s expense. Not that I minded much, I found mild amusement in watching my men flail across the lawn – I mean pitch – and skid at anyone in a different coloured shirt. I was, however, a little disappointed that I didn’t see any limbs flying when I made a successful tackle. This is what happens when you play violent computer games. A lot.
The commentary by Martin Tyler and Andy Gray seemed surprisingly smooth-flowing with back and forth conversations as though what is happening on-screen is a genuine live match. I must admit I expected it to be a little stilted with only generic phrases being uttered. But it genuinely felt that Tyler and Gray were making comments about what was happening while I was playing, and not just have the game’s programming select a pre-recorded sentence. Maybe repetition occurs in the full-game after eons of playing (let’s face it, it’s bound to really) but for the portion I was engaged in it certainly added an immersive element that was obviously trying to bring realism into the game. I think that is the point of games such as the Fifa series. It seems as though (going off this latest one anyway) they are designed not only as a means to play as your favourite team but almost as a substitute for when actual matches aren’t being shown on every bastard TV channel! There is a certain degree of accuracy and detail that is – to some extent – quite impressive. Though, that’s not to say it’s ahead of its time. Everything up to and including national anthems being sung at the beginning, crowds cheering when the stadium announcer calls out the team’s names. I even saw players mouth expletives and protest their innocence when I (intentionally) fouled someone (*insert benevolent laughter here*). Controls almost seem irrelevant to a certain point. When not in possession of the ball one your players is automatically highlighted and is chosen based on whoever is closest to the opponent with the ball. This makes having a button to choose manually a little bit needless. Kicks range from gentle taps to your team mate, to ‘Fuck off ya big round bastard!’. I found myself unable to handle the ball beyond simple passing. Shoe-killing the hell out of it when anywhere near the goal mouth doesn’t seem to work. And there are combinations of fancy moves but, as stipulated, there probably isn’t a lot of real use for them except to show off like all footballers do, the posing twats! Much to my chagrin I found that, not only did I actually have bit of fun playing, but I caught myself becoming engaged in the match itself (demo matches are short – about five minutes each half – just so you know). My fingers tensed on the controls and my bum-hole squeezed so hard it could’ve snapped a 2p coin in half whenever I came close to scoring. (that is, I had the ball for more than a nanosecond and was actually heading in the right direction. Sort of) That being said it’s definitely not a title I would purchase. It is unequivocally a game for the fans. I can handle playing a match or two. Possibly with a friend (or plural). Most likely whilst intoxicated. But don’t ask me about managing teams and choosing game formations. When EA releases a football game that allows you to dismember people’s ankles with a studded boot then I’ll pay more heed. |
